All By Myself

When I was talking to Melissa the other day, the subject of living alone came up. She was telling me that she really doesn't like being alone in her apartment. And when she did live at home, she especially didn't like being in our house by herself. Too many sounds and the house is too big.

I remember feeling the same way when Stan and I were first married. He went on his first trip when we had been married four months. He was gone a week and it was the longest week of my life (at least it seemed like it at the time). We lived in a little 2-story townhouse. Very, very small. I was okay during the day. At least it was light outside and I could go places to keep busy. But at night, it was a different story. I kept all the lights on, the TV stayed on for noise and I walked around with a pool cue stick in my hand constantly. I'm not sure what I would have done with the cue stick if I had to use it, but I felt better with it. So it was always beside me. Yep, even when I was in the bathroom. And I'm really glad I was never put to the test of using it. The stairs in the house were the kind that you could see through between the steps. So every time I went down them, I just knew that a hand was going to reach out and grab my foot. It was just a strange week for me. I couldn't relax and I really didn't know my neighbors well enough to ask them to babysit me for a week. Plus I didn't get to talk to Stan while he was gone. First of all, he was in Italy, and second, we didn't want a big long distance phone bill (this was waaaaayyyyy before cell phones).

Of course that was the first of many times that I was alone. Stan has always traveled ALOT, with the Air Force and then in the civilian world. It did get easier over time. I still didn't like him being gone so much, but I learned to deal with things on my own. And then once the kids came along, they did their part in keeping me busy. These days, if we have a crisis, it's very easy to reach him....to get his opinion on what should be done.

I guess it helped me to be more independent, to learn to do things for myself. I definitely had to grow up. And that's a good thing. I wish the same for my children. I just hope they never have to walk around with a pool cue stick for bravery!!